I think you can guess from the title.. I have been having a little bit of a rough time recently. And because I’m normally so positive and upbeat, you might find it hard to believe. Motherhood is just incredible in so many ways, but this past month feels like it has hit me hard. Just when I thought I’d cracked certain things/routines/behaviours, it’s like Maddie has decided to laugh in my face and change EVERYTHING I thought I knew about my baby. Plus, the fact that I’ve been fight a cold for nearly 2 weeks, just makes everything even harder when you’re feeling grotty!
When pregnant, I had totally geared myself up for this super tough time of little sleep, a crying screaming baby, potentially arguing and snapping with my boyfriend, not getting any housework done, living in pjs etc.. But it wasn’t like that at all! Maddie slept amazingly, I’d blog or clean during the day, get dressed and meet friends for coffee no problem and have date nights away from baby! Go for long walks and Maddie would just sleep away in the pram no problem.. I honestly couldn’t understand what the big fuss was about (sorry I know that makes me sound ridiculously naive!) I knew I had gotten lucky with a very well-tempered, sleepy baby, but even so motherhood was just heavenly!!
And then, Maddison turned 5 months..
My baby that slept through the night disappeared. Teething hit in HARD. She was struck with a virus and then an ear infection. Cranky, bipolar baby was an UNDERSTATEMENT. She’s now at an age where she is getting more mobile and dying to crawl and grab everything so I’m having to watch her constantly.. it’s just exhausting! It felt like karma had come to bite me on my bum for thinking being a mummy was easy - haha! I’d gone from flying high on cloud 9, to a tired and snappy reality. Last week, I had my first proper melt down in the middle of the night, when I just sat there and cried, feeling so unbelievably useless and helpless as Maddison (despite being fed, changed, burped, rocked, cuddled and comforted) would simply not go back to sleep!!!
I sat there and thought. There is no need to pretend life is perfect. There is no need to stick a filter on this chapter of motherhood and pretend that everything is okay. Let’s just be real for a minute Beth and admit.. that this chapter I’m struggling with. But you know what.. that’s okay!! We are allowed to not be peachy perfect and bubbly once in a while! Being a parent is tough and yes of course there are plenty of highs but there are also plenty of lows to go with it!! It’s okay to have a period where your “positive pants” have been temporarily lost.
Being a mummy has been totally the other way around to what I expected. I thought the first 6 months would be hell, then as Maddie got older it would be easier! Instead the first 5 months were amazing and now it’s turned challenging. Maddie is such an active baby, having to constantly entertain her, every minute of every day is exhausting!! Oh.. and she rarely naps. *slaps palm in face moment*.
Now, I’m not complaining one bit. I LOVE being a mummy, I love my daughter to pieces, she is perfect. And this isn’t a sympathy post either, as I know there are mums out that have it a lot harder than me or have health complications to worry about! (Which just breaks my heart to think what it would be like if I was in that sort of position!)
The main reason why I wanted to write this was because I want you to know, that if you’re having a tough period.. it’s okay to say so! No-one is going to judge you and think you’re a bad mum or that you love your little one any less. You’re just keeping it real and speaking how you feel. You are not alone! We are all in this together, no one has it perfect. Despite however many “picture-perfect” moments you see online, there is always a behind the scenes. I think my favourite quote right now would be..
So, if you’re having a tough time, know I am here too! And I hope this phase passes soon for us!
Lots of love, Bethany x
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