This weekend I’ll be kissing goodbye to 25 and saying hello to 26.
Now I’m not going to lie here, or even try to play it cool… I flipping love celebrating my birthday! I know some people don’t like to make a big deal of their birthdays, and granted the novelty does decrease rapidly as the years go by faster and faster, and you start to notice deeper wrinkles around your eyes, or find another stray grey hair… ahh crap.
The reason why I love celebrating my birthday (normally) is not because of anything materialistic like grand gifts, parties or holidays… for me it’s a time to celebrate another wonderful year of on this earth of health, happiness, surrounded by family and loved ones, and just being alive really! A celebration to look back and see what I’ve achieved in the year! However, I have to admit, I’ve been struggling to feel that “birthday buzz”, as this past year has truly been one of the most testing and emotionally draining years of my life.
Like I get it, I know that I do have SO much to be grateful for. I have the most beautiful and precious little girl in the world. I am healthy (all be it a little bit stressed sometimes!). I have a roof over my head. I have an amazing family and friends. I know that I am incredibly lucky compared to some. But all the change that has happened in my life recently, makes it hard to see a clear picture at the minute. I still feel like I’m fumbling through each day and one minute I feel like an ultimate boss mama, and the next I’m an emotional wreck!!
There’s no easy way to say it, but it’s hard to accept that I’ll be on my own this birthday. Again, I know that I don’t need a partner to have a good birthday, and shouldn’t celebrate myself and my achievements any less because I’m now single. But, when you’re used to having someone there, to wake up too, celebrate and create memories with, it’s hard to then process that they won’t be there this year. If that makes sense?
I feel like this birthday is going to feel a bit like New Year’s eve for me.. kissing goodbye a not so pleasant year, and starting a fresh! Kind of like the whole “new year, new me” saying... but more along the lines of “new year, stronger me!” (well that’s what I’m aiming for anyway!)
For the past 2 months I’ve been adamant that I wanted to forget my birthday completely this year and just act like it never happened. But you know what, I’m pleased I’ve let me family and friends sway me, and I have actually made some plans for a nice dinner and a few drinks. Nothing too exotic or fancy, but just to be surrounded by the people who have been my rocks through all my recent life drama! Because as hard as it may be to see it now, I know deep down that I do have so much to celebrate and be grateful for. So why not raise a glass to the fact that I’m still here, still staying strong and do have people who love and truly care for me.
So come at me 26… let’s see what I can do and where I can go this year.
Lots of love, Bethany x